Major shifts have been happening, and I feel like I've settled into a new place with my eating. It's amazing what will happen when you let go of the reins, soften the hold, and let yourself go with the flow. Eating has felt much lighter these days, I haven't been thinking about food as much, and it feels as though I've come into a new and easy rhythm in my life.
I lost track of days this week; I knew I was somewhere in the nineties but didn't know I was this close to Day 100 until I counted this morning.
Since I'm coming close to the end (of the counting, not the new way of eating), here's what I really want to say: doing this has changed my life. Not just a little, but in enormous, earth-shaking, tide-shifting, mountain-moving kinds of ways.
I NEVER (EVER, EVER) thought I would allow myself to go with the flow with eating. Remember that post I wrote earlier, about how intuitive eating is bullshit, and I need to be on top of my calories, etc? Somehow I've bridged the gap between being on a restrictive diet and having total freedom, and listening to my body is a lot less daunting these days. I am learning to trust my body's signals, and I cannot describe what it feels like to actually honor the messages that I get about being hungry and full. I have spent YEARS ignoring those signals, and to finally hear them and know that I can trust them is something I never thought I'd be doing. Incredible.
This also makes me realize how little I trusted my body in the first place. What amazes me is now that I'm allowing myself to eat when I'm hungry, exploring why I might be interested in eating when I'm not, I find that I don't have an especially large appetite. I used to think that I fell under the category of people who were insatiable, nothing was ever enough, I could eat and never be satisfied, but that has changed. Maybe it's partly due to the fact that I've stopped putting processed and addictive chemicals (read: SUGAR) into my system, but I believe the real reason for this is that I'm finally relaxed about food. Once I let go of the guilt, and instead began to look at this as a process of self-inquiry, everything changed. Oh yeah, and that whole part about self-love helped a lot too.
A lot of you are reading this blog because you care about me and want to support me, which is amazing. But there are others of you reading who I know are in a place quite similar to the one I began in almost 100 days ago. To you, I say this: you can heal your relationship with food. Your journey will be different than mine, but I truly believe that the healing and peace that I've found is available if you set out to find it.
Om shanti....on to Day 100!
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