I've been pondering the way that ego shows up in my life, particularly in my food/body/love life, and I'm here to say that I officially do not want to dissolve my ego.
I think I've been over-saturated with this philosophical notion that ego = bad. Ego = superficial.
But what if ego just equals our drive to achieve personal goals, values, hard work, dedication, overcoming fear, and moving into the life we want to create? This is my new definition of ego.
The past two weeks I've been really lazy. I think I was mostly just exhausted from the end of my semester (yay!), but I also thought it would be interesting to do a little experiment to see just how laid-back and un-perfectionist I could get. What I realized in the process is that ego has a purpose, and if we use it wisely rather than get carried away with it, our egos can serve us in a beautiful way.
The first few days of my little experiment felt really great and very necessary. I needed to not "do" for a while, and it was good for me to have down time to decompress from my semester. I watched a bunch of crap reality TV, ate a lot (sans sugar, of course!), napped, allowed myself to slack off from my asana practice a bit, and embodied the nature and life of a sloth.
But a few days ago, it started to feel like my chilled-out-ness was no longer serving my best interest. I missed working hard at something and feeling like I was actively pursuing my goals. One of my goals is to feel confident and comfortable in a bikini this summer. I noticed that during this period of down time, I started to feel really guilty about that goal. I felt like it was too superficial and was ashamed that something external, like feeling good about my body, was of importance to me. Aren't I only supposed to care about what's on the inside? Aren't I supposed to be this yoga teacher who doesn't care at all about what's on the surface, and only about what's underneath and on a deeper level?
No. I don't think so, anyway.
As I pondered some more, I thought about all the ways in which my goal-driven nature and go-for-my-dreams attitude has been a really amazing thing in my life. Without it, I would not be a yoga teacher. I would not be almost done with grad school. I would not have dared to start my first 100 Days, or be here now, in the beginning of this next round. I'm a make-shit-happen kind of gal, and it's something I like about myself.
It's ok that I want to feel good about my body in a bathing suit. It doesn't mean I'm shallow. It's not about what my body actually looks like, anyway, but how I feel about it. And I believe that feeling good is a marker that we are moving in the right direction. And I also believe that working towards and achieving a goal is a perfectly ok thing to feel proud of, especially if I can do it with awareness and curiosity.
So, here's to embracing my ego and yours. :) Tell me...how has your ego helped you??
I think I've been over-saturated with this philosophical notion that ego = bad. Ego = superficial.
But what if ego just equals our drive to achieve personal goals, values, hard work, dedication, overcoming fear, and moving into the life we want to create? This is my new definition of ego.
The past two weeks I've been really lazy. I think I was mostly just exhausted from the end of my semester (yay!), but I also thought it would be interesting to do a little experiment to see just how laid-back and un-perfectionist I could get. What I realized in the process is that ego has a purpose, and if we use it wisely rather than get carried away with it, our egos can serve us in a beautiful way.
The first few days of my little experiment felt really great and very necessary. I needed to not "do" for a while, and it was good for me to have down time to decompress from my semester. I watched a bunch of crap reality TV, ate a lot (sans sugar, of course!), napped, allowed myself to slack off from my asana practice a bit, and embodied the nature and life of a sloth.
But a few days ago, it started to feel like my chilled-out-ness was no longer serving my best interest. I missed working hard at something and feeling like I was actively pursuing my goals. One of my goals is to feel confident and comfortable in a bikini this summer. I noticed that during this period of down time, I started to feel really guilty about that goal. I felt like it was too superficial and was ashamed that something external, like feeling good about my body, was of importance to me. Aren't I only supposed to care about what's on the inside? Aren't I supposed to be this yoga teacher who doesn't care at all about what's on the surface, and only about what's underneath and on a deeper level?
No. I don't think so, anyway.
As I pondered some more, I thought about all the ways in which my goal-driven nature and go-for-my-dreams attitude has been a really amazing thing in my life. Without it, I would not be a yoga teacher. I would not be almost done with grad school. I would not have dared to start my first 100 Days, or be here now, in the beginning of this next round. I'm a make-shit-happen kind of gal, and it's something I like about myself.
It's ok that I want to feel good about my body in a bathing suit. It doesn't mean I'm shallow. It's not about what my body actually looks like, anyway, but how I feel about it. And I believe that feeling good is a marker that we are moving in the right direction. And I also believe that working towards and achieving a goal is a perfectly ok thing to feel proud of, especially if I can do it with awareness and curiosity.
So, here's to embracing my ego and yours. :) Tell me...how has your ego helped you??
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