Sunday, May 6, 2012

On the Eve of the Next 100 Days...

Hi Blog Family!

It's been less than a month since I've written but it feels like much longer than that. A lot has happened in the past few weeks, and here I am about to start my next 100 Days of vegan, sugar free living.

Since my last entry, I have totally backslided into my sugar addiction. It started slow: there was one day where I ate a cookie. Then I ate some chocolate on another day. Then i ate ice cream later that week. And this turned into me eating ice cream, plus cookies, plus other sweets all in one meal (and not really eating, but more stuffing) and feeling sick (physically & mentally) after. It is obvious to me that sugar is as real as any other addiction. In fact, last night I went on a total sugar binge and have felt "hungover" all day. I think back to when I was doing my first 100 Days, and how much easier my life felt. So that's what's inspired me to do it again.

The past few weeks have given me insight into how truly hard any addict must work in order to stay sober. I think one of the things that allowed me to just sort of forget about going to OA or being abstinent is that the idea of giving up sugar for the rest of my life terrifies me. Like, that is a huge fucking task. I finally understand why the motto of 12 step programs is "one day at a time."

So, I will be going about it in just that way, one day at a time. If I think about the possibility of me never eating sugar again, I will freak out and go on a sugar bender, guaranteed. So my task is to practice presence, and take it all as it comes. I'm excited to do this again and see how it unfolds!

I've also opened this up for others to join in, so there will hopefully be some guest blogging going on. If you want to join in, let me know! We will begin tomorrow. And you don't have to choose sugar to abstain from, you can choose anything that you'd like to experiment with cutting out of your life.

Despite feeling some disappointment about the past few weeks, I am happy to report that I've noticed one change that has stayed with me: being compassionate to myself. Not always, but more often. THIS IS HUGE. Also, my hangover today (read: dizziness) taught me something about my yoga practice. I was reminded as I went through my poses this morning just how healing and transformative yoga is, if we allow it. I've spent a lot of time in the past few months obsessing about advanced poses, rather than allowing myself to experience the beauty of yoga as a vehicle for self-love and enlightenment. Oops!

I can't wait for tomorrow & thank you all for following me on this journey!


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