A New Change: Day 1

Heyo!

I'm really excited about blogging lately and I have a new abstinence-related project for myself.
I did a lot of brainstorming and writing last night and this morning, and I realized that this time around I don't necessarily need to abstain from certain foods. What I need is to abstain from certain food-related behaviors.

There are still certain trigger foods for me and I'm going to see how I do eating less or none of those for a while, but I'm really more interested to see what happens if I can change how I eat. Right now choosing to abstain from these behaviors for 100 Days seems like waaaaaaayyyyyy too long, so I'm starting with 7 Days. One week. I'll try to blog everyday over the next week.

Here's the actual list I came up with this morning of what kind of eating makes me feel crappy:

eating more than 1850 calories in a day

eating when i'm full

eating because "this day's already ruined"

eating because everyone else is eating

eating because if i don't eat i'll be hurting someone's feelings - WHAT?!

And here's what makes me feel good:

eating between 1500-1850 calories per day & doing yoga a few times a week

eating at least one meal a day without distractions/technology

treating myself to a piece of dark chocolate everyday

It occurred to me how often I get myself into trouble (and by trouble, I mean feeling ashamed/gross/too full/guilty) because I eat out of social kindness. I eat because everyone else is eating and I think I have to or I'm weird. Or I eat because someone made something and if I don't eat it, then I'll be hurting their feelings. I'm starting to realize that no one else really cares what I eat, so I might as well do what feels right for me in the first place.

I'm also beginning to understand that abstaining from certain foods and food behaviors is not about my weight. My weight's been really stable for the past 5 months, yet I've had so many emotional ups and downs. This is not about changing my body. It's about changing how I feel. When I eat past fullness or because I think I'm "supposed to," I am unable to be present with whatever is right in front of me. I can no longer enjoy and respond to the very moment I'm in, because I'm too busy freaking out and over-analyzing about food. It's so not worth it. I want to be fully engaged with my life and feel free and calm, not stressed and agitated. 

So this letting go of certain food behaviors is a kind of meditation for me. It's a way to be right here, right now, rather than off in food-drama-world. 

Here's to Day 1! 

xoxo