The seven days are over and I feel kind of back on track. Sort of.
Like I said a couple entries ago, it's not so much about what I'm eating, it's about how I'm feeling about what I'm eating.
If I could sum it up in one word: Blah.
Maybe this is me not experiencing the highs and lows like I'm used to with food, and I'm leveling out. It's boring.
I'm beginning to realize what a thrill I get out of eating just the right amount to lose a little weight. That feeling when I get on the scale and I've lost a pound. But we live in a world of polarities, and the flip side of that is when I overeat, gain weight, and most importantly, feel like crap.
Perhaps the problem is that I've tasted the high, the sheer satisfaction and joy of losing weight and feeling thin, that I'm addicted to the ups and downs. I feel bored right here in the middle.
Is this what being a "normal" eater feels like? Is this what people who "eat to live" rather than "live to eat" experience? Food as food, rather than food as mood lifter, mood soother, procrastination tactic, or any of the other gazillion reasons we trick ourselves into thinking we need to eat? I wonder.
So here I am on this rainy day. I came home from work early and am snuggling up on my couch with a blanket and a bowl of ice cream. The ice cream tasted good (and we know that's hit or miss for me), and I've eaten more calories than I planned on. I think it's ok because I don't feel a binge coming on. I might go to yoga later. I might not. I'm starting to get that these little decisions don't matter as much as I'd thought they did; it's not the end of the world if I eat ice cream or if I skip yoga to nap instead. In general, I'm healthy. Maybe the practice now is to just be grateful for that.
Like I said a couple entries ago, it's not so much about what I'm eating, it's about how I'm feeling about what I'm eating.
If I could sum it up in one word: Blah.
Maybe this is me not experiencing the highs and lows like I'm used to with food, and I'm leveling out. It's boring.
I'm beginning to realize what a thrill I get out of eating just the right amount to lose a little weight. That feeling when I get on the scale and I've lost a pound. But we live in a world of polarities, and the flip side of that is when I overeat, gain weight, and most importantly, feel like crap.
Perhaps the problem is that I've tasted the high, the sheer satisfaction and joy of losing weight and feeling thin, that I'm addicted to the ups and downs. I feel bored right here in the middle.
Is this what being a "normal" eater feels like? Is this what people who "eat to live" rather than "live to eat" experience? Food as food, rather than food as mood lifter, mood soother, procrastination tactic, or any of the other gazillion reasons we trick ourselves into thinking we need to eat? I wonder.
So here I am on this rainy day. I came home from work early and am snuggling up on my couch with a blanket and a bowl of ice cream. The ice cream tasted good (and we know that's hit or miss for me), and I've eaten more calories than I planned on. I think it's ok because I don't feel a binge coming on. I might go to yoga later. I might not. I'm starting to get that these little decisions don't matter as much as I'd thought they did; it's not the end of the world if I eat ice cream or if I skip yoga to nap instead. In general, I'm healthy. Maybe the practice now is to just be grateful for that.
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