Days 14 & 15: Surrendering to the Unknown

Not doing yoga for 5 days is weird. Like, really, really, really, weird. I know my body looks the same on the outside, but on the inside, the tightness is so apparent. I miss all the space and opening!

I'm still dizzy, so taking a class is just not an option right now. And I'm surprised at how easily I've accepted this. In the past, I think I would have kicked and screamed and fought myself in a losing battle. Because really, what can I do? Nothing. All I can do is rest, knowing that I will get back to my practice when my body is ready.

Surrendering is not my forte. I prefer to be stubborn and hold on to my attachments of what I believe is supposed to happen. As if that were up to me, ha! But being sick this week has shown me that I do have the capacity to be gentle towards myself and to just accept what is in front of me.

There is a teaching by the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron on attachment that comes to mind. She speaks about how even though we know nothing is permanent, and there is no way for us to know what will happen next, we grasp and cling to our ideas (aka...thoughts) just to have something to hold on to. We convince ourselves that we know, but how can we? In my mind, I will practice yoga every single day and never get sick or tired or need rest or....the list goes on. In reality, though, shit happens and I'm not in charge. Control is an illusion.

I also feel like this week has allowed me to slow down and see that I'm really getting into the groove of my new eating habits. I haven't needed to be as strict as I thought I'd need to, and other than the dizziness, I feel great. And then the thoughts come in, and they sound something like this: "Maybe it could be like this everyday, forever, for the rest of my life, and it will be perfect." But then I remember that's only a thought. I don't know where this journey will take me, and that's part of the fun.