BUT FUCK THAT.
I am feeling really excited about my life and amazed at how my instinct to cut out certain foods - really, to just stop participating in an act of suffering - has changed everything. I used to have this mantra of, "everything in my life is wonderful and perfect except my relationship with food," but I didn't know what to do about it. Well, I think I've finally (only took my entire life so far) figured out what to do about it.
The past 17 days have been so incredible, even with the challenges that arose. I'm noticing lots of small changes. For example, I am not as interested as I used to be in eating past fullness. It's just not as exciting anymore. I'm also less interested in eating because of a thought or feeling, rather than the sensation of hunger. And it doesn't feel like a battle, either. Rather than standing in my kitchen fighting with myself over if I should eat, what, why, how much, etc...I just leave the kitchen. How simple.
All of this is making it crystal clear that if I can just get out of my own way, if I can let go of my mental masturbation, my life will flow. And it's not that I get to decide how it flows; I don't think that's really up to me. Instead, the practice is to be open. To anything, to everything, to life itself in all it's complicated beauty.
So my challenge to you, dear reader, is this: Notice your thoughts, see them for what they are, and then move on. Let them go. Give yourself over to the flow.
So this entire two and a half weeks, every night I have been reading your blog and thinking to myself- wow,i need to comment. I need to tell Nina how inspiring she is and how for nearly everything you write i have this mental YES! LIKE! button going off every five seconds.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is, when you began this journey, i began one with you. I think that everyone past the age of 14 maybe has these ridiculously inconsequential stigmas about food. Mine fall in the realm of constantly questioning what i put into my mouth, how fat i will look afterwards, and is it time to eat? if i eat now, i will be full and wont eat later. but maybe im not actually hungry? who knows.
Its like this constant battle over what?? it makes me so frustrated because the more i consume these thoughts, the less and less i enjoy food and I LOVE FOOD.
so i too began to think to myself-if youre not hungry, dont eat. if youre thinking about how and when and why to eat dont eat.
just enjoy the day and when its time, make someting filling yet healthy.
you are absolutely correct in everything that you say Nina. food is so much about the mentality in which you greet it.
I love you and am so proud of you.
but most of all, I am happy that you are happy
p.s. this is obviously your not so secret admirer
ReplyDeleteThank you, beautiful! I am honored to know that you are on this journey with me. Too many women are struggling with food and we have to speak out about it and be there for each other. I love you and want to support your healing in any way that I can! xo
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